In a shocking turn of events that has rocked the basketball world, Milwaukee Bucks superstar and two-time NBA MVP Giannis Antetokounmpo, popularly known as the Greek Freak, has reportedly been banned from all basketball-related activities by NBA officials after allegedly testing positive for performance-enhancing baklava.
Yes, you read that right — baklava.
According to unconfirmed reports from sources close to the league, Giannis tested positive for trace elements of “supercharged honey-glazed walnut baklava” — a mythical Mediterranean dessert believed to grant superhuman agility and Eurostep capabilities.
“We Have Never Seen Numbers Like This,” Says NBA Lab Technician
A confidential NBA source, speaking under the condition of anonymity (and a slice of cheesecake), claimed:
“His vertical was measured at 72 inches after lunch. We suspected something was off when he windmilled over three defenders while chewing.”
League policy clearly states that “any dessert, pastry, or culturally sacred snack that enhances on-court performance is subject to testing under the ‘Snack Abuse Prevention Protocol’ (SAPP).”
Fans React with Confusion, Outrage, and Hunger
Social media exploded within minutes of the news breaking:
“So you’re telling me Giannis got banned for being too Greek?” – @EuroDunker88
“Ban the baklava, not the baller!” – @NBAJusticeWarrior
“Is this why he never skips dessert?” – @KouzinakiCravings
Meanwhile, Greek grandmothers across the globe have taken to the streets in protest, wielding trays of home-baked baklava and chanting: “Γιάννης είναι αθώος!” (“Giannis is innocent!”)
Giannis Responds with Humor
In a cryptic but humorous tweet, Giannis responded:
“I just wanted a little something sweet. Is that a crime? 🍯🏀”
He then posted a video of himself dunking over a six-foot-tall tower of pastries with the caption:
“Suspended? Nah. Elevated.”
What’s Next for the Greek Freak?
While the NBA conducts a full investigation (and finishes dessert), Antetokounmpo is reportedly considering a temporary switch to Olympic fencing, competitive cooking, or launching his own baklava brand: “Freak Flavors”.
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