BRAKING NEWS: Toronto Blue Jays Head coach John Schneider submitted resignation letter to……view more

In a shocking and unexpected move, Toronto Blue Jays manager John Schneider has officially submitted his letter of resignation to team president Mark Shapiro early Monday morning, citing a desire to “pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a professional curler.”

The letter, handwritten in blue ink on a vintage 1993 Joe Carter poster, was reportedly delivered in person, along with a small box of Tim Hortons Timbits and a ceremonial curling stone engraved with the words “Hurry Hard, Eh.”

“Baseball was always Plan B,” Schneider Admits

In an emotional press conference held just outside the team’s dugout — which had been temporarily converted into a makeshift curling rink — Schneider explained his reasoning.

“Look, I love baseball. But every time I watched those curling rocks slide down the ice during the Winter Olympics, something inside me just clicked,” he said, tears forming behind his Oakleys. “It’s time I followed my heart — and my broom.”

Blue Jays Front Office “Blindsided,” But Supportive

Team President Mark Shapiro confirmed the resignation and said the organization was “blindsided, but supportive.”

“We had no idea he even liked curling. Honestly, we thought he was joking. We laughed for 10 straight minutes. Then we realized he was dead serious and already registered for the Ontario Provincial Qualifiers under the nickname ‘The Slider King.’”

Interim Coach Announced: Vlad Jr. to Serve as Player-Manager?

In another surprise twist, sources say Vladimir Guerrero Jr. has volunteered to step in as interim player-manager “just to see what it’s like.” When asked for comment, he shrugged and said:

“Why not? If John can curl, I can coach. Besides, I’ve played a lot of MLB The Show.”

What’s Next for Schneider?

Schneider will reportedly join a semi-professional curling team based in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, known as the “Stone Cold Sweepers.” Their season begins later this month, and insiders say Schneider has already customized his team jacket with the words “Skip Mode: Activated.”

Blue Jays fans are still processing the news, with reactions ranging from disbelief to admiration.