THESE IS THE BEST NEWS WE COULD HOPE FOR: Collingwood Baseball Midfielder Pendlebury Stuns Sports World With $42 Million Act Of Kindness

MELBOURNE, WEDNESDAY — In what experts are calling “the most generous moment in the history of cross-sport confusion,” Collingwood baseball midfielder Scott Pendlebury has shocked both the AFL and the MLB by donating his entire $42 million signing bonus to an unspecified but definitely heartwarming cause.

The move came just hours after Pendlebury reportedly inked a groundbreaking contract with Major League Baseball, despite having no recorded experience in baseball, nor the sport having any position known as “midfielder.”

Still, Pendlebury, who is better known for his 383-game AFL career with Collingwood — not to mention not playing baseball — has captured the hearts of Australians everywhere by transcending the barriers between football, baseball, and reality itself.

“I just felt like it was the right thing to do,” Pendlebury said during a hastily organized press conference held at third base on the MCG. “I don’t need the money. I’ve already got a garage full of Norm Smith Medals, and honestly, I’ve never swung a bat in my life.”

According to league insiders (and one particularly enthusiastic guy on Twitter), the $42 million signing bonus was offered after scouts mistakenly believed Pendlebury was Shohei Ohtani’s cousin.

Rather than correcting the error, Pendlebury leaned into the moment — before stunning the world by pledging the entire amount to a new foundation called Kick It Forward, which aims to teach underprivileged youth how to seamlessly transition between sports they’ve never played.

A Gesture That Transcends Sport

The AFL community has applauded Pendlebury’s move, with Collingwood President Jeff Browne calling it “the single most confusing but generous act in club history — and that includes when Dane Swan bought everyone meat pies after Mad Monday.”

Meanwhile, MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred issued a brief statement:

“We welcome Scott to the league, even if we’re not entirely sure who he is, what a midfielder does, or why we wired him $42 million. Honestly, we thought this was about cricket.”

Social Media Reacts

As expected, social media erupted with joy and bafflement.

“This is the best news we could hope for,” one Facebook commenter wrote. “Now if only Buddy Franklin would donate his GPS data to science.”

Others simply celebrated the pure vibes of it all.

“Baseball. Footy. Doesn’t matter. Pendles is GOAT,” tweeted one fan.
“Still confused but also crying???” wrote another.

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What’s Next for Pendlebury?

Rumors suggest Pendlebury may next attempt to qualify for the Winter Olympics in bobsleigh, citing a desire to “round out the multisport resume” before retiring to a quiet life of mentoring young midfielders, pitchers, and possibly shortstops.

Regardless of the path he takes, one thing is clear: in a world full of chaos, miscommunication, and contractual loopholes, Pendlebury’s selfless act is a reminder that sometimes, the best moves happen off the field — whichever field that happens to be.