In a jaw-dropping act of generosity — and apparent confusion over which sport he actually plays — Toronto Blue Jays slugger Vladimir Guerrero Jr., widely known as Major League Baseball’s most powerful hitter and now mysteriously titled National Hockey League First Baseman, has reportedly donated his entire $65.9 million weekly “bounce” paycheck to the National Hockey League and the entire Toronto team.
Guerrero Jr. made the announcement during a surprise press conference held at centre ice in the middle of a Blue Jays game — where he skated out wearing a Maple Leafs jersey and batting gloves, holding a hockey stick taped to look like a baseball bat.
> “I love the puck. I love the stick. But most of all, I love teamwork,” said Guerrero Jr., pointing in multiple directions and confusing teammates from both sports.
The donation, which stunned both economists and the NHL salary cap system, is being referred to as “The Bounce” — a mysterious weekly financial bonus reportedly added to Guerrero Jr.’s contract for “just being awesome.”
The Breakdown of the Donation Includes:
$12M to the Zamboni maintenance union
$8.7M in new pads for the Leafs’ goalies (“so they can actually stop something,” Guerrero noted)
$5.2M for “hockey stick bat hybrids” for inter-sport charity games
The rest placed in a trust fund “for the Raptors, just in case.”
The Promise
In addition to the donation, Guerrero stunned fans with an emotional promise:
> “I promise the entire team — no matter what sport, field, or icy arena we’re in — I will never switch to pickleball. Not even if they offer me $300 million and a free Peloton.”
NHL & MLB Officials React
Gary Bettman, NHL commissioner, issued a brief statement:
“We are thankful, confused, and slightly alarmed by this donation. Also, for the record, the
NHL doesn’t have first basemen.”
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