In a development that has stunned the NBA world and left Dub Nation speechless, Golden State Warriors Chief of Basketball Officer Mike Dunleavy Jr. and Head Coach Steve Kerr have both submitted their resignations following a dramatic internal power struggle that erupted into a full-blown locker room debacle.Sources close to the organization report that tensions between Dunleavy and Kerr reached a boiling point during a preseason strategy meeting, where the two leaders allegedly disagreed over what truly constitutes “modern basketball.”
According to insiders, Dunleavy Jr. proposed a bold plan to trade every player over 6’7” and transition the Warriors into the NBA’s first “Positionless Guard-Only” roster. Kerr reportedly responded by calmly standing up, pointing at the door, and whispering:
“Not on my parquet.”
What followed was a heated shouting match involving pie charts, vintage footage of the 2015 playoffs, and someone allegedly throwing a clipboard at a Gatorade cooler. Things went south fast.
Later that afternoon, both Dunleavy and Kerr marched into owner Joe Lacob’s office simultaneously and handed in their resignations, stunning the front office.
The Warriors released a brief but bewildering statement:
“While this is not the outcome we hoped for, we respect the bold vision and equally bold exits of both Mike and Steve. We will begin our search for a new coach and chief basketball executive immediately. In the meantime, we will be holding a staff-only slam dunk contest to process our emotions.”
NBA Commissioner Adam Silver also issued a brief comment:
“This marks the first time in league history that a coach and a basketball executive have quit over a disagreement about ‘vibes.’ We’ll be reviewing this under Article 46.9: ‘Unforeseen Basketball Drama.’”
Meanwhile, Warriors players were reportedly not informed until later that evening, when Steph Curry received a cryptic group text that simply read,
“We’re gone. The dynasty ends at Whole Foods.”
Fans, analysts, and trolls alike erupted on social media. Hashtags like #DubsDrama, #CurryComeSaveUs, and #MikeAndSteveTheExitTour trended globally. Even Draymond Green chimed in on his podcast, calling it “the weirdest offseason since KD left via emoji.”
As of press time, both Dunleavy Jr. and Kerr were seen sharing a quiet coffee in Sausalito, reportedly planning a podcast titled: “Pick & Roll, Then Pick Up Our Stuff and Leave.
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